Company gimics

First of all, on a Laffy Taffy wrapper, after Halloween, ( a pink one, it looked like an eraser gone stale) I found a cute little joke on the front and the answer under the flap. So, I read the joke. At first, I felt out-smarted by a piece of pink taffy, but then I checked the answer and was sure that they had made a mistake. As my father later said.

"Well... candy can be wrong."

"What creeps and leaches the second story of a haunted house?"
..."Mon-stairs."

"Mon-stairs?"

Perhaps "reaches" would've made more sense than "leaches", because leaching is what coffee does- it's when a liquid percolates through a solid. Stairs don't percolate through anything, they're not a liquid. And even if you are going to stretch leaching to be defined as "leading down to", stairs in a haunted house lead up to, not down to the second floor. Either way, it's a reach.

So, being that I'm hoping somewhere along the line, Willy Wonka hired an editor, who can spell, I'm going to let it go, and throw away the stupid wrapper. Even though I'd love to frame it and hang it in the English office.

Secondly, I was snacking on some Trix, and on the back theres this little riddle about finding one of the guys in a bunch of kids. All these kids are holding onto a rope they lassoed around the silly Rabbit, to keep him from reaching the cereal box. Well, many of them are dressed up. The second part of the riddle is "Can you find the 13 kids who are hanging out and not holding on?" I play along and I count my 13 kids, the slackers. Then it says "can you also find a: baseball player, girl blowing bubbles, koala, elf, pirate, mermaid and two dogs?"

Why, yes, I can see all of these kids. There are also three acrobats with one of the dogs (who is jumping through a firey hula hoop) and i see two cowboys, and four football players, a black kid with too many muscles to be a kid, let me see. ... I also see all of the boys being something cool and there only being two girls dressed up and they're a mermaid and a girl blowing bubbles ( who i swear was a boy) the boys get to be all these great funny characters, trapeze artists, cowboys, pirates, scuba divers, elves, baseball players, and only one girl is really dressed up, and she's a mermaid. Obviously we are not teaching our daughters that they can be anything they want to be like we are so aptly teaching our sons, but also, Why are we telling girls they can be mermaids when the boys actually get to be football players and cowboys if they want?
Why can't someone pick a side on this god damn humanistic approach our education system has annexed, and either teach all the kids they can be what they want ( with work, and even then, that failure is inevitable for some) or that they can pretend to be things when they're young but when they get older,

to get a life and not play with Trix boxes anymore.